I want to begin by saying that this post will in no way be an attempt to define this process. I merely hope to share with you how we as a family have chosen to approach relationships, what it looks like, and why we choose to call it courtship.
I received the following comment on a previous post announcing mine and Daniel's courtship.
"Don't give your heart to him yet, figure out in your heart if he is what God wants for you. Don't rush things as serious as this. Do not be blind in love. Make sure he lives up to your standards, and do not settle for less. You are young and have your entire life to find the right man. Some people wait their entire lives to find their spouse. And it is worth the wait. And maybe God doesn't intend for you to be married. Maybe He wants you to complete His work in some other profession, such as missionary work or working with those who have less and need help. Or maybe your husband is years down the road and God is wanting you to use that time for good works rather than waiting for your husband who is years down the road. So, don't rush into love, wait for real love, because God only wants us to be loved the way He loves us: for REAL"
I appreciate all of you who take the time to share your thoughts on what I write here on Pecan Pastures, you make blogging so much fun!
Nearly seven years ago (Where has the time gone...seems like just yesterday!) my daddy took me to dinner and presented me with my purity ring. You can read about that evening
here.
When he gave it to me I understood that it symbolized much more than my commitment to physical purity, it also represented my commitment to pursue marriage through a process we call courtship.
I promised to save myself both physically and emotionally for marriage and my dad promised to be my protector and to assist me in finding the right man. My parents and I spent that evening praying for God's direction and for the young man who would one day be my husband.
Courtship for us is a season where two people get to know each other with the intention of marriage. We desire for both sets of parents to be a part of the process, guiding, and giving us godly advice and counsel. Also, Daniel and I are never really "alone". Sure, we have times that we go off and talk, but if we ever
go somewhere we take someone with us. My siblings often fight over who gets to "chaperon". (:
It is easy with the traditional dating system to somewhat hide the real you because couples are often alone. However when you are surrounded by your family (the people who know you best) the other person gets to see what you are really like and how you respond to others and interact with them. The reverse is also true. It is
impossible to pretend to be something you're not in front of your siblings. :p
(I love this picture! It really sums up what my courtship is like. *smiles*)
The other major benefit to courtship is the accountability. Determining what the "proper" or acceptable level of physical interaction is during a courtship will differ from family to family, but for us we see the importance of not focusing on that aspect of our relationship during this season of getting to know one another.
No two courtships will look alike because no two individuals are alike. Situations and circumstances play a major role in how relationships will look.
The goal is that God's will for the couple is determined and that He is honored through the relationship.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
With that being said...I would like to directly respond to the comment I shared above.
I realize that I am young and honestly, I didn't anticipate entering a relationship this summer. I was open to the fact that God might call me to singleness, even if only for a season. As I have stated on more than one occasion, wherever God has you (whether married or single) right now, is His highest calling on your life. Philippians 4:11 Neither marriage or singleness should be elevated over the other, for both are gifts from God. Proverbs 31:10 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
I really wasn't simply waiting for a guy to show up. I was happy and content in that season of singleness He had me in and sought opportunities to serve those in my community.
I believe that we should not post-pone marriage for the sake of "ministry" (unless God has called you to be single) because I firmly believe that scripture teaches that a godly marriage IS a powerful ministry in itself.
For me, it wasn't about waiting for Mr. Right, but rather my goal was to live out the will of my heavenly father. I've experienced the pain and frustration of being outside of God's will and the incredible blessing of resting in His plan for me.
Many prayers went up before we began courting and we are extremely blessed to have family and friends who are continuing to lift our relationship up in prayer!
There aren't many resources on the topic of courtship, but we have found the following to be helpful.
Before You Meet Prince Charming (This is a great book for teenage girls. It definitely needs to be something you talk with your daughters about at a young age.)
What He Must Be by Voddie Baucham (My dad has read this book several times and he and Daniel studied it together over the summer.)
Rejoicing in God's faithfulness-
m.e.
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