Me and God

2012 has by far been the most eventful and challenging year of my life, so far.  If you had told me all that I was going to experience this year I would have called you crazy.  A lot has changed and a lot is continuing to change.  Honestly, there have been days over the last year that I didn't even desire to get out of bed.  I walked through my days questioning the will of my heavenly father and feeling like my life would never be truly happy again. 
When I felt the Lord leading me to end my courtship, I was so confused and wondered why in the world I had to go through that painful experience.  I would constantly seek the privacy of my room and through tears pour out my heart to the Lord, begging Him to show me what He was doing. 
I have often wondered if God grew impatient with how many times I asked Him, "Why?"
Then, after many days of trying so hard to figure things out on my own, God began to speak to my heart. 

He began to show me that there were still "pieces" of my heart that didn't truly belong to Him.  There were things that I held on to, desiring my will in those areas to be accomplished and not His. 
He showed me that even the "good things" that I desired had become idols in my life.  I discovered a love for the world that I didn't even realize that I had.  Certain areas where I would have passionately believed myself to be strong in, I found that I was very weak. 

I always knew that my joy wasn't supposed to be found in my circumstances, but when my life was going the way I wanted it to, it was so easy to be happy.  When God began to move me into a totally different direction, I realized what it meant to really find your joy in Christ. 


My greatest fear in life is that I would miss what God has for me to accomplish.  I know that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, if I am in the center of His divine will, I will be truly happy...I will have joy!

To help me keep my focus where it needs to be, I remind myself why I am here. "What is man's chief end?" "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  I was created for His purpose, not my own.  Life has so much more meaning when you live each day with a burning desire to please your creator.

I did this post simply because I want to be able to look back over this time in my life and see God at work.  I want to remember the things He is teaching me and showing me as I blindly move forward on the path He has set me on.  I have no idea at this point what is in store, but I can honestly say that I am smiling at the future.

In Him-

m.e.